


Other people's traditions

by epersonae



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Accidental Marriage, Confessions of love, Episode: e060-066 The Stolen Century Parts 1-7, Implied polyblaster, M/M, Misunderstanding other people's traditions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-06-15 15:14:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15415770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/epersonae/pseuds/epersonae
Summary: The boys accidentally get themselves engaged while celebrating the successful retrieval of the light of creation. Magnus takes some flowers, and then probably too much candy. (Too much candy for Magnus?!) Taako makes a confession. They make a good impression.





	Other people's traditions

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nekosd43](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nekosd43/gifts).



They'd talked these folks into “sharing custody” of the Light, and that seemed good enough, as long as they could take it at the end of the year, good enough knowing these folks would get through. Good enough to join in the festival happening in a gathering place equidistant to all the towns of the region. 

A particularly rowdy dance was underway in one corner of the festivities, and Magnus dragged Taako out into the open area between the fires to join in.

Then he saw the tree hung with flower leis in a dizzying array of colors. He dropped Taako’s hand to run over and look for just the right one. An older woman looked back and forth between Magnus and Taako. She spoke, but Common here wasn’t quite the same as his dialect, so all he could tell was that she was asking if he really wanted  _ florae _ for his  _ compagnee _ . He found a garland of brilliant purples that was exactly the right color, so he nodded, took it off the branch, and headed back. 

The others danced as well, except for Barry who was too nervous, and Lucretia, drawing and writing in both of her notebooks at once. They danced through the night, the purple flowers swinging across Taako’s chest, then crushed between them as their dancing faded to swaying gently at the end of the night. The scent — sweet and heady — rose around them under the setting moonlight.

They woke together in Magnus’s bed the next morning, the lei hung on a hook with Magnus’s jacket, the smell of flowers still hanging in the air.

Taako blinked slowly as he woke, then looked carefully at the garland again.

“Hey, my dude, what did they call that?”

Magnus repeated what he thought the woman had said.

“Big guy, my man, Maggie darling.” Taako sat up and crossed his arms. “You know what you just did? You got us fuckin’  _ betrothed _ .”

Magnus blinked sleepily. “Aw, beans.”

Taako kissed him on the forehead, then climbed out of bed and pulled on a long shirt and leggings. 

“I need coffee to even think about this situation, my man, plus I think we gotta tell the team. C’mon.”

Magnus whined and groaned, but eventually followed him into the kitchen. Lup had already put on a pot of coffee and started up breakfast. Taako poured himself some coffee, then slipped in beside her, working on omelettes to go with the waffles in progress.

As he swirled the eggs in the pan, Taako, very carefully avoiding his crewmates’ eyes, asked, “So, anybody know the deets on wedding customs around these parts?”

Everyone’s eyes immediately focused on first him, and then Magnus, who blushed deep red. Rubbing the back of his neck, he said, “It’s not like it’s a big deal, right? We just set the date in like, you know, a year from now?”

“Sorry, bud,” said Barry. “That thing with the flowers? Kind of a special deal here, couples who get engaged that way get married at a big shindig in….” He flipped through his notes.

“At the summer solstice, babe. You kids are gettin’ hitched at the summer solstice,” said Lup.

Lucretia looked up from her journals where she was cross-referencing Barry’s information. “It’s a buckwild situation,” she said. “You two better hold onto your butts.”

“Hold up, hold up, hold up now,” said Taako. “You’re saying, that Magnus here, by picking some flowers off of a tree, committed us not just to, ah, getting  _ married _ , but to getting married on a specific  _ day?  _ Which is not, like, a year from now, but, lemme see…” He stared down at the eggs and chewed on his lower lip. “Ah yes, in just a scant few weeks. And we have to  _ be _ married for another….” Now he stared at Magnus. “Eight. Whole. Months.”

“It’s better than that,” said Lucretia with a chuckle. “They have some pretty…. Specific traditions. There’s a lot of parties. Their word for spring, actually, can also be translated as ‘wedding party season’, and then the wedding itself —”

“It’s a huge group wedding!” added Lup. “Like, lined up in rows and everything. People come from all over for this shit.”

Merle came into the kitchen just as she spoke. “People come for what shit? I thought they were already here for that festival crap.”

“Taako and Magnus are getting married,” said Barry.

Merle absent-mindedly patted Magnus on the hip on his way to the coffee. “Good for you kids, about time you settled down.”

“It was an accident,” mumbled Magnus. “I just wanted to give Taako some flowers….”

Taako’s face softened. “They were real pretty, big guy. S’not your fault. They ought to label that shit better.” He shrugged as he sprinkled cheese over the eggs. “So I guess we go to a bunch of parties, stand around with a bunch of other folks too dumb not to pick up some flowers. Sounds dece.”

Lucretia sucked in a breath.

“Okay, so there’s more to it than that, Creesh? Spill.”

“The bond is supposed to be a particularly special marital bond, so there’s a lot of ceremony around….” She paused, frowning slightly. “Proving? I guess, the depth of your feelings and attachment?”

“What, like a kissing contest?”

She blushed. “Something like that.”

Lup started laughing, and Barry got a look of deep second-hand embarrassment. Merle snorted.

“Aw shit,” said Magnus.

“Plus some tests of dedication, I think? I’m not entirely sure what all it entails,” she said. “I didn’t think we’d need to know  _ that much _ detail. I can say that it seems like you’re going to be somewhat...busy for a a bit. The fellow who was explaining it to me was mostly complaining about how his son was going to be away so much during the spring growing season.”

“Well, fuck,” said Taako. “I take it we can’t just roll up and say ‘we’ve been jumping each other’s bones for twenty years, that good enough for you pervs?’”

Magnus turned bright red, looking from Taako to Lucretia and back again. Taako raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, the whole—” and he gestured vaguely around the table “—thing isn’t going to be an issue, is it?”

“Good news, bad news,” said Barry. “They’re not really so much hung up on exclusivity as they are on, uh, dedication? I guess? But you’re gonna have to do it their way.”

“Okay, sure, yeah,” said Magnus.

“I guess Lup is gonna have to make sure you chucklefucks stay fed while me and Maggie are off….” He waved the spatula dramatically.

//

Taako didn't see any point in being anything other than fashionably late, and since apparently they weren't even going to start the festivities until everyone was there, no reason not to make an  _ entrance.  _ After all, as he reasoned with Magnus, they're the only extraplanar heroes these podunk folks would ever see. So they strolled up in their uniforms, Prestidigitated to look like new: robe and jacket, jacket with no shirt, arm in arm, heads turning at the sight of these  _ outsiders. _

They walked into a cavernous sort of barn filled with round tables set with even numbers of chairs and other couples milling about and chit-chatting. At the center of each table, an enormous bowl filled with candy. Magnus’s face lit up, but Taako just raised one skeptical eyebrow. As they arrived, a chime began ringing: seems they were the last couple to arrive, despite Lucretia fretting about them getting there on time.  _ If they decide to keep the light, there's much we can do about it,  _ she'd said.  _ So don't fuck this up, dingus,  _ Lup had added, flicking Taako’s ear with her fingernail. 

For a second, the stares and whispers made them look nervously at each other, but then Taako tilted up his chin and Magnus popped his collar, and Taako walked them confidently to a table without so much as a word to anyone else there. As they sat, other couples drifted to the tables and began to sit. Magnus grabbed a handful of candy out of the bowl.

“Ugh, you don’t even know if that’s any good, my dude,” said Taako.

“Whatever, it’s all been good here so far,” said Magnus. “Besides, everyone else is having some.” Indeed, the other couples were taking little handfuls of candy out of the bowls with little smiles and knowing glances.

“No, it absolutely has not. They’ve got that fake watermelon flavor, and ugh.” He pulled a face and folded his arms. “All the fruit flavors are just—” He shook his head, not noticing the other couples at their table giving him curious glances.

Magnus started unwrapping one and was about to pop it into his mouth when a woman leaned over to him. “You aren’t supposed to eat them until the adjudicators arrive,” she said. Then she too looked at Taako. “What’s up with him?”

Magnus shrugged, setting the candy back on the wrapper. “Doesn’t like the candy here,” he said. “His loss, I guess.” The woman opened and closed her mouth several times, then leaned back to her partner who was fiddling with the wrapper on one of the four candies piled in front of her. 

They looked on the verge of saying something more when an older couple in long yellow robes sat in the two chairs that had been left empty. When Magnus and Taako looked around, they realized that every table had a similar pair sitting at it. In one corner of the big open space, a gong rang three times.

“Last chance,” said the woman of the pair, looking pointedly at Taako, who raised an eyebrow at her. When no one moved or spoke, the pair nodded at each other.

“We shall begin.” She looked to the pair directly next to Magnus and Taako. “How about we leave the foreigners until last so they can see how it’s done?”

Very quickly they picked up that, first of all, it wasn’t the hard candy that Magnus was so fond of, but a softer candy, like a taffy or a caramel. Secondly, the person who took the candy from the bowl wasn’t going to get to eat it.

Instead, with each pair, one person would unwrap a piece from their pile and feed it to their partner, who would have to eat in silence while they said something about them. It might be a story or an endearment, something special between them, or something they cherished about their partner. When they’d finished, and when their partner had eaten the taffy, they’d switch, and go back and forth in this way until all the pair’s candies had been eaten.

As they went around the circle, Magnus and Taako both watched with increasing trepidation, looking at the other couples (about a half-dozen candies to each person), at Magnus’s enormous pile of candy, and at the empty space in front of Taako. About halfway through, Magnus tried to push a few candies in front of Taako, but the man in the yellow robe shook his head and frowned, and Taako just pushed them back.

Finally all the other couples had proclaimed their various affections, noted one another’s endearing quirks, and eaten through their candy. Leaving Magnus and Taako looking at one another.

The woman couldn’t seem to help the look of amusement when she nodded at them. “Now that you have seen how it is done, please begin.”

Taako made a face. “Alright my dude, I guess it’s all you.” He folded his arms and tipped back his chair. Magnus laughed and picked up a piece of candy, holding it out on his palm for Taako, who snatched it away, ripped off the wrapper, and shoved it in his mouth.

“So, uh, Taako is….” Magnus looked at his face then away over the crowd as his voice softly trailed off. “I love how you encouraged Barry, gave him swimming lessons and stuff, and you totally coulda been mean to him about how much he was into Lup. You’re happy cause they’re happy and I love that about you.”

“Unfair,” mumbled Taako through the mouthful of candy. Then he swallowed the remains in a lump and nodded curtly at Magnus and the rest of the table. “Hit me, big guy.” He held out his hand, and Magnus dropped another candy into his palm.

The adjudicators nodded at Magnus, and the woman cleared her throat.

“Okay, yeah, no, um. Well, okay, this is easy.” He drummed his fingers on the table next to the pile of candy and smiled shyly, a faint blush across the tops of his cheeks. “I like watching you cook, Taako; you’re so graceful and clever. You do this little thing when you’re working on something new, and you just—” Magnus squinted and chewed on the corner of his lip in mimicry of Taako. “And it’s so damn cute, and also you’re so thoughtful about what you make, even if I come back to the ship with like jerky and grass, you make something good out of it, and you know what everybody likes and what they don’t like.” He paused, taking a deep breath, then looked down at the pile of candy, at Taako swallowing the previous piece. “I guess that’s one thing, yeah?”

Another piece: “I really like that chocolate cake with the apricot jam, it’s so good.” Magnus and Taako both blushed then, and Taako stopped chewing when Magnus touched his hand. 

“Dummy,” muttered Taako, and the adjudicators threw him a stern look.

They went on like that for what seemed like an interminable length of time to Taako as Magnus complimented his cooking, his magic, his style, all of which is great, he knows he’s great, but also Magnus talked about what Taako’s done for other people. That seemed to draw smiles from the other couples and the adjudicators, but it made Taako deeply uncomfortable in ways that he couldn’t quite express.

Finally, the pile of candy in front of Magnus had transformed into a pile of wrappers in front of Taako. The room as a whole had started to quiet down as all the other couples finished their mutual declarations of love. Magnus looked at Taako with a soft smile.

“‘M kinda glad, y’know, that I fucked up the other night,” he said, running his hands through his hair until it stood straight up. “It’s nice to just…. I dunno. You’re special, is all.”

“Okay, big guy, that’s enough of of that.” His voice was soft, despite his uneasy expression. He frowned down at the pile of wrappers.

The woman adjudicator began to open her mouth when Taako pushed back his chair with a scrape that could be heard across the room. Then both adjudicators started to speak, but before they could, he jumped up onto the chair.

“Alright, you chucklefucks. We got it, you’ve got these fucking special traditions that force people to like, spill their guts or whatever, and there’s gonna be more, I’m aware. And Taako’s down, don’t get me wrong, whatever kinky shit you folks have planned, I’m down.” Magnus frowned at him, for once gesturing at him to  _ please just back off, please chill.  _ Taako ignored him. “But it’s one hundo percent not fair to not fuckin’ explain the rules, like, before a dude decides to pass on the candy because that shit is gross. And seriously, whoever is in charge of making this candy needs to come see me fucking stat, because, like, better flavors please? I’m dying here.” The adjudicators looked at each other, looked at other adjudicators in the room, but no one moved. The entire room was silent, staring at Taako standing on top of a chair, pointing at Magnus. 

“All that fucking aside, though. Because some goddamn big lug has a sweet tooth, he also gets to say all the sappy shit? Not cool. Like, he does that shit on the regular, all you had to do was ask. Taako, on the other hand? Taako doesn’t talk about why—” And he blinked rapidly, a tell-tale pink flush on his ears, then took a deep breath. “So I guess, fuck it, I didn’t take any candy but whatever. Gonna tell you— Gonna— Listen. Burnsides here, he’s the most sincere dude who I’ve ever met, and after hopping through dozens of universes, there’s a shit-ton of material for comparison. I watched him— Fuck. I watched him get cut into pieces trying to protect goddamn baby wolves, before we even knew— And, I mean, technically, technically he died because he was a dumbass who’d rather eat candy than wear his damn mask, but he was out there because he was trying to— Trying to save chucklefucks like you here, like: really? Seriously, that’s so  _ noble  _ I can’t even stand it.”

He blinked away tears; in the silent room, a single chair creaked as someone shifts in their seat, and then a loud sniff came from Magnus.

“And who makes sure Merle makes it back to the ship when he’s walking too fucking slow? Who makes sure Lucy puts down her books long enough to eat and sleep? Who can fly the ship well enough that Davenport will take a damn break? He lets Barry just fucking  _ talk nerd at him _ even though we all know Maggie here doesn’t have any idea what the hell. And then Lup—” His voice cracked. “I never— Nobody that was a damn  _ friend _ with Lup like you are.” He worked his jaw for a minute, struggling for words.

“Okay, and also: unfairly hot. It’s just ridiculous. Like, should be illegal levels of hot. Magnus Burnsides, just, I can’t believe— If I have to be stuck in this  _ completely fucked _ situation, you all don’t even know— At least, at least, shit.”

He hopped off of the chair and stood in front of Magnus, who was by now openly weeping.

“I’m so fucking glad you’re here, my dude.”

Magnus took Taako’s hand in both of his and mouthed  _ me too. _ Taako looked at the pile of empty candy wrappers, at the others around their table, at all the other tables, then back at Magnus.

“Oh, big guy….” He sighed, took another step towards Magnus, then all at once just grabbed his face and kissed him. It was just supposed to be a little peck, but of course it didn’t work that way. Not with Magnus. A peck turned into a soft full-mouthed kiss that deepened into something almost too passionate for public. Good though, of course, a really great kiss. Definitely one of their better kisses, even if it's in front of dozens of people. 

When they finally part, Taako realized that the other couples were applauding them. He broke into a grin, bowed, turned and bowed again, pulled Magnus to his feet, and then both of them into another bow. 

“Gonna out-romance their romance bullshit,” he said. 

“I love you,” said Magnus. 

He tightened his grip on Magnus’s hand. “I know.” 

**Author's Note:**

> This was going to be for Jack's birthday, and then it was going to be a much longer piece for Summer of Smooch, and then I realized that if I was going to get it out at all with everything else I'm working on, I just needed to go with it as-is. Maybe someday I'll write all the way through to the wedding?


End file.
